An exchange between a patient and an opthalmologist.
Patient; "I'd like you to have a look at this doctor", producing an Aldi carrier bag. The opthalmologist looks into the bag. It contains a turd. But not just any old turd. This one is fully 18 inches long, and 2 inches thick.
Opth; "Hmmmm. Yes. Why exactly do you feel that this is something you should be bringing to my attention as an opthalmologist?"
Patient; " Well Doctor, every time I pass one of these it makes my eyes water"