Confusion

Like most people, DZ reads the newspapers. He doesn't actually go into a newsagent and pay for a great wad of pulped tree though, finding it easier and cheaper to view the papers online, apart from those nasty graspers who have a paywall. He's also partial to those spoof newspapers, such as "News Thump" and the "Daily Mash".
Sometimes, when reading these spoof papers it's easy to fall into the trap of feeling that you are reading a genuine newspaper, and sometimes, when reading a conventional paper you feel you may be reading a spoof. Especially today. read the following five headlines. Three come from spoofs, and two from a "proper" paper, (obviously that excludes the daily mail). From just reading the headline, can you be sure which is which?

"Dietary advice was fruit company conspiracy"

"Your Child's school attendance is absolutely mandatory"

"North Korean men ordered to get Kim Jong Un's haircut"

"Homeopathy products recalled over fears it may contain actual medicine"

"Health not that important"

Riddle

Why is Ashutosh Maharaj like a Norwegian Blue parrot. 'Cos he's not dead, he's just reached samadhi.

Resign!

Sign this petition. The intro doesn't do justice to this man's sheer awfulness and ineptitude. It hasn't mentioned the present crisis of morale caused by his handling of staff pay, or his sympathy towards quackery.

Lent

Apparently, so I'm told, we are in a period known to some as "Lent", when, for reasons not clear to me some people choose to deny themselves certain pleasures of life for a few weeks. I think that if  I were to abstain from the things I like to do, and die during that period, I'd be pretty cross. I prefer to live each day as if it were my last. 'Cos one day it will be.